She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would punch a child for taco bell
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize