Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
