So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
