READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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