Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
