Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
