Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize