I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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