having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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