How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
