Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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