please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
