There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
