Cold hands, warm shart.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
