We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
