come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
