I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
God I need to hump something, right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
