matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
