Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
