I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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