i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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