If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
