I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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