I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
