I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
