When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
