This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
