what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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