so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
