You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
