And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
