I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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