If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize