Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
