Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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