Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
