She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dicks are not precious.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
