bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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