Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
