Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
