i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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