Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize