Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
