it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im holly from the hills drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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