i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
