was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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