I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
