why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
