This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He kissed a someone with a penis
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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