dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
