I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
