You made me cry and you don't even care
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
