Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
