I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
