btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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