it hurts more in the daytime
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drake has all the answers
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
