He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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