My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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