Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
