I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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