Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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