I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
