I just made out with a guy for $7.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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