I hate all girls vehemently.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
