took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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