Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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