Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
