God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
