omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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