Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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