ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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