my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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