Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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