At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
