dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
