Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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