I wish my penis had an off switch
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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