I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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