He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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