I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
