She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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