it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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