Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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