did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
