are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
