I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
