bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
