she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
