My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
